


a letter for you

by lcvelinnie



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Broken Promises, Car Accidents, Grief/Mourning, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Bullying, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Letters, M/M, Post-Divorce, Promises, Read at Your Own Risk, Spoilers In Notes, Suicide Notes, Triggering Subjects, angst with a happy ending??? maybe???, broken hearted minho :(, depending on what you consider happy???, fulfilled promises???, minchan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-30 03:26:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17216126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lcvelinnie/pseuds/lcvelinnie
Summary: minho simply cant stay strong anymore, even if it means breaking their last promise.





	a letter for you

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGERS (spoilers)
> 
> ///////
> 
> implied/referenced suicide (if you didnt read the tags)  
> car accident  
> amnesia  
> bullying

hey! its me. i dont know if you remember me or not but its minho. i was the kid who stole your lollipop in 4th grade and stuck my tongue out at you when you called me childish for laughing as i licked it. you were the love of my life. you were my everything. but you left me. you forgot me.

isnt that funny, channie hyung? you forgot me. me, lee minho. the boy who smiled at you even when you were roughly pulling my hair because i wouldnt look at you when we made out. the boy who laughed at you when you stuttered a confession. the boy who kissed the back of your hands when you had panic attacks because it was the only thing that could calm you down and i knew it. you forgot me, your boyfriend. you forgot me and our promises.

our promises to explore the world. our promises to eat every single dish that was served around the entire world. our promises to work in music together. our promises to finish college with each other. our promises to marry. our promises to adopt a baby. our promises to grow old with each other. even your silly promise about getting buried together, hand in hand because you always said you never wanted to let me go, not even when we're decomposed and smelly.

i remember how i ran home to tell my mom when i was 17 after you pinky promised me that we'd get married and have children. i remember how she laughed at me and patted my hair, telling me that those were really big promises for a couple of teenagers. i remember pouting and being annoyed and ranting to you the next day in the cafeteria about it and i remember how you kissed my hand and told me that it didnt matter what she said, because for you it was always go big or go home and if you ever went home, it would always be to me and our child.

i remember never understanding how that made sense since it kind of contradicted the meaning but looking back, i know that you meant that it was what you wanted either way.

you were always really cheesy. you first asked me out when i was 15, you were 16. you gave me a promise ring and thanked me for all the movie dates. when i accepted it, you pressed a kiss to the ring and whispered that you'd never do anything to hurt me, you'd never leave me. and that you'd never break the promise, because it was sealed to the ring. but then you said you wouldnt break the promise anyways, because i was the best thing that'd ever happened to you.

i remember how we always cuddled, your arms around my waist, head in my chest, my arms around your neck and head on top of yours. you always talked about how comfortable it was, even if my arms were kind of around your head. you always said it was comfy because my legs around your waist was warm and nice.

i remember the first time you attended dance practice with me. you looked so excited when it was my turn to practice the solo dance, eye smile so gorgeous. afterwards, on our way home you hugged me and kissed me and told me that i was your everything, and i said the same.

i remember our first kiss. it was really cliche now that i think about it but it was everything and more to me. we were play wrestling, i was 14 and you were 15. i was straddling your waist and you were holding my wrists since i was trying to hit you. you decided that you didnt want to lose though, and you turned us over and then you were on top of me. i was really shy at the time so with the way you were still holding my wrists now added with you being on top of me, i was really really flustered. then you asked if you could kiss me, and who was i to deny my angel?

you really were my angel. ive read up on a lot of things since, and read that a lot of guardian angels make their presence known until they arent needed anymore, and then they leave. sometimes i wonder if you were my guardian angel, a majority of the time i knew you, i was in a dark place. with my parents divorcing and being bullied at school. but then it was better, and i was so so happy. and then you left me.

you really were my angel. you always will be. and if you are my guardian angel, i hope you can guide me away from the bridge that im visting soon.

i miss you. ill always despise that man, even if he didnt mean to. he was drunk, and everybody knows not to drive when drunk.

i remember the day so vividly. its like it happened yesterday. you were on your way to pick me up, we were going to visit some old friends for a birthday. you got caught up in traffic and when the light finally turned green for you, a drunk driver ran their redlight. they hit you so hard that you were declared amnesiac on the sight, simply because you couldnt remember your own name.

sometimes i wonder if you only remembered me. the moment i walked into the room, your face brightened and darkened at the same time. you were quick to hold my hand to your chest and kiss each of my fingers, lips lingering on the ring you got me. ive always been so confused. how did you remember me? you couldnt even remember what number came after 34. the last thing you said before the monitor beeped and flatlined, was "stay strong baby." did you remember me? did you get some kind of feeling who i was?

i read that soulmates, even if they dont know each other, know that theyre supposed to be with each other. is it that? were we soulmates?

i guess if we are then what im about to do isnt that bad. we'll be together again.

i love you bang chan. and im so sorry im breaking my last promise to you, but i cant stay strong.

its been 8 years. im 27. youd be turning 29 soon. you know i hate breaking promises, ive tried my hardest not to give in but i just cant. i need you. the bed feels cold without you. the house feels silent without you. eating isnt making the bellyaches go away. water isnt making the sore throat or dizziness go away. showers arent cleaning the dirt from under my nails. sleeping is just a nightmare and awakening is an even scarier one. winters are too cold. i need you.

i need you. i need your arms around me. i need your lips against mine. i need your hair tickling my nose. i need your alarm clock blaring in the silent apartment. i need your kisses against my fingers.

i still wear the ring. but sometimes i just want to break it. you broke your promises. you left me. you left me before i could even tell you how much i loved you.

i love you so so much. i always will. i love your curly hair, i love your dimples, i love your giggles. i love your singing when you sing me to sleep. i love how we always compared hand sizes, wanting to see if my hands were growing any bigger. i love how you laughed at me when i pouted because they werent, they were still tiny to yours. i love your eyes. i love your lips. i love your arms. i love your warmth. i love your songs. i still listen to them. i wrote one myself, it talks about how much you mean to me. but its really bad, writing isnt my forte.

i miss you. i love you. im going to sign off now, the cars have stopped driving by and nows as good a time as ever. i love you. ill see you soon, my darling.

your love,  
lee minho.

 

_and if a few days later there was news of a body found in the lake underneath the bridge, people would just say things happen. and if the two boys were indeed buried together, skeletal hand holding a blue-skinned cold one, nobody would think of it as anything more then a promise fulfilled._


End file.
